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thx everyone.
thx shannen, cheryl, jasmine, pamela, zoey, eliada, teri and all those who have tried to help me.

I cried again juz now. For quite a long time. But not alot of tears come out larh. At first. It was tears of sadness and loneliness. But after awhile. It became tears of gratitude and joy.

I've finally found the answer i've been searching for for 4years. All that that was hindering my thinking, is only some useless fear. I'm so glad now that i couldn't slp. From the time i realise that, which is 12am. It's now 2.28am. I'm too excited to sleep. It's been such a long time since i've felt such comfort.

The answer is simple and clear. It may sound stupid to you guys. But it isn't to me. And the answer is. "i love my mother" i shalln't explain how i got that answer. It's too long.

But that answer, can explain many questions i couldn't answer. It brought me a new confidence now. =D Sigh, since i've already realise and gotten over it. I guess it's kinda time to give u guys a rough idea of what i've been through eh??? Cuz it kinda seems unfair putting u all through these things and not have a single idea of what happened...

I'll put it shortly. I've been abused by my brother. I shall not go into the details. My family's kinda broken up. My parents kinda on the verge of divorcing. shalln't go into the details either.

Well. It sounds okay here. Hmm, shouldn't let u guys be depressed for me anymore. I really appreciate what you all have been doing for me all these while.. Actually when i was writing all those down. What i've kinda wanted is eliada's sort of reaction. I want someone who would be TRUE and tell me what they REALLY think. It's like, there's no point in comforting someone if that person keeps crying right?

Trust me. I'm not THAT pessimistic.

Oh wells. Relax u won't be seeing sad post. mayb some moronic post. =p